


The Actual Frog AU

by pertainstothesea



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Actual Frog AU, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe- Actual Frogs, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, Minor Character Death, Or he just disappeared
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-07
Updated: 2017-03-07
Packaged: 2018-09-30 16:06:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,086
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10166720
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pertainstothesea/pseuds/pertainstothesea
Summary: These are the rules:If you quit the team, you became a frog again.The team promises enough magic to keep you human for all four years of college.After your first year, you have to choose another frog to become human.You have to blend in, go to classes with all the people who have been human their whole lives.Nobody outside of the hockey team could know about the magic. Unless they fell in love with you.If someone fell in love with you, you could use True Love’s Kiss to sustain yourself as a human.If someone fell in love with you, you wouldn’t have to be a frog again.





	

“Oh my god, look at him! He’s so little!”  


The two giants that had been looming over him a minute ago were much smaller now. Still bigger than him, though. He blinked. Was that– had that been a complete thought? Not just an impulse for food or water or fear? He looked down. His skin was dry. His legs were different, less powerful. His head was in a weird place. He raised his arm to his head and noticed there wasn’t any webbing between his fingers, and five fingers instead of four. Something was on his head– hair. And the giants were still talking.

“We are not gonna keep calling him ‘Bitty.’ He’s a grown-ass man now, not a baby frog.”  


“Okay, first of all, when he was a baby frog, he was a tadpole–”  


“Excuse me, I don’t mean to bother anyone, but could one of you tell me what the hell is going on here?” he asked. The giants turned to him, grinning.  


“I knew you’d be smart,” the one with the glasses– wait, how did he even know the word for that, how did he know the word for anything– said. “When I got turned human it took me a full day to say anything. I’m Holster, and this is Ransom. Welcome to humanity!”  


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There were rules. There are always rules.

If you quit the team, you became a frog again.

The team promises enough magic to keep you human for all four years of college.

After your first year, you have to choose another frog to become human. Some people raise tadpoles. Some people go out to ponds with nets. Either way, you have to recognize that your time at Samwell is temporary.

You have to blend in, go to classes with all the people who have been human their whole lives.

Nobody outside of the hockey team could know about the magic. Unless they fell in love with you.

If someone fell in love with you, you could use True Love’s Kiss to sustain yourself as a human.

If someone fell in love with you, you wouldn’t have to be a frog again.

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“This isn’t a joke. Either get with the program, or go back to the pond!” Bitty gritted his teeth while Jack yelled at him. Holster skated up and put an arm on Bitty’s shoulder.  


“If you’ve got a problem with him, talk to me. He’s my frog.”

“He’s asking to go back to being a frog again ahead of schedule, if he keeps fucking up whenever someone thinks about checking him.”  


When Jack had started to head back to the locker room, Holster grabbed Bitty and looked him in the eye, very seriously.

“If anything does happen to keep you from playing, Ransom and I promise to not let anyone stick you into the wild. We took care of you since you were literally an egg, there’s no way you’d make it out there. It’s against the rules to keep a former teammate, but we don’t care.” It hit Bitty then. He closed his eyes to keep the tears in and took a shaky breath in.

“What if someone else finds out? What if I get turned back into a frog and you have to dump me in the pond?” Holster wouldn’t meet Bitty’s eyes. It was all the answer he needed.

“So I need to learn how to take a check, or I could die?”  


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“It’s so early I’m gonna die,” Bittle complained, strapping on his skates. The sun wasn’t even up yet. Jack rolled his eyes.  


“The sooner you get over this, the sooner we don’t have to hold checking practice anymore. Besides, I thought the whole point of this was so you don’t die?” When he said that, Bitty froze.  


“Who told you?”  To his credit, Jack looked immediately ashamed of throwing this in Bitty’s face. Jack said, “Wicks said you were crying after practice last week. Ransom was my frog. He can’t lie to me. I just asked the right questions.”  


“I don’t need your pity.”  


“It’s not pity. I need my team to be functional. And we aren’t right now. Now try it again.”  


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“Hey, future me, I guess!” Bitty said to the camera with a smile. “So somehow I know how to edit videos? and bake? This whole magic thing is something else, let me tell you. One day you can barely put half a thought together, the next you’re learning that you’re really good at strapping knives to your feet and spinning around! Also, I am pleased to report that I have discovered pumpkin spice lattes, and I am in love with them.”  


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The first day of second semester he met the team’s witch. She was talking to Shitty in the living room, floating a few inches above the couch. When she looked at him, her eyes seemed to glow for a second.

“One of the new frogs, huh? What were you, a spring peeper?”  


Bitty didn’t know how to respond.

“Shits, I thought for sure Jack would insist the team stuck to transforming bullfrogs or something, he was so focused on strength last year.”  


“Ransom and Holster found him as a tadpole. Officially, they had no fucking idea what species he was. Unofficially, they’re glorious rebellious bastards. Bitty, this is Lardo, she’s our manager and spell-keeper. She just got back from study abroad.”  


“Oh my goodness, it’s so nice to meet you,” Bitty said. “I’ve heard so much about you!”  


Lardo smiled, and just like that Bitty had another friend.

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“You just gotta find the frog that speaks to you. You’ll know him when you see him. Bring him back to the Haus, and then we’ll go from there with the spell.”  


Bitty tried not to pay too much attention to where he was going. He wanted to really listen to his gut on this one, not overthink things. He put his headphones in and zoned out for a while.

He realized that he had wandered into the biology building. A small green frog sat in a tank in front of him. This was it, this was his frog. He looked around furtively before scooping the frog out of the tank and placing him inside the shoebox he’d painted Samwell red and filled with food and sticks.

“Welcome to the team, buddy,” he whispered.  


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They made it to the playoffs. The night before the last game, they all slid into booths at Jerry’s, full of nervous energy. Bitty’s frog was almost ready to become human, so Ransom and Holster decided to tell the story of how they found Bitty for the millionth time. Johnson told the story of how he found Shitty hopping around in a mud puddle. Shitty described how he found Ransom and Holster together in the Pond, how when he grabbed one another jumped into the shoebox. Then the conversation turned to Jack.

“So, uh, you know how I have a last name? There’s this Samwell alumna who contacted the coaches and asked if they wanted to see if anything would happen if a pro player started the spell. So she got her husband to do it– Bad Bob Zimmermann.” Bitty looked blankly at Jack. “You’ve heard of Bad Bob, right? Four Stanley Cups?”  


“Y’all have to stop assuming I know stuff, there never was a ‘Hockey Shit with Ransom and Holster’ about every hockey player ever, no, just forty-five minutes on butts–”  


“He’s a good player,” Holster cut in. “He’s why the NHL scouts are coming to check Jack out, even though he’s only a Junior.”  


“Oh wow!” Bitty said. “That’s exciting! Have they tried using really good players for that before?”  Jack’s face fell. He looked like he wanted to say something. His hands curled into fists and his expression hardened before he slid out of the booth without a word. Shitty winced.

“I know you didn’t know this, bro, but that’s a touchy subject. There was another frog in our year, Kent Parson. He and Jack were the experimental frogs– Bad Bob, and another NHL player who demanded complete anonymity. They were really tight. Like, we thought they were going to get together and true-love’s-kiss to a happily-ever-after, all that shit. Then all of a sudden, he couldn’t take it any more. He and Jack had a fight, he stormed off, and, well, we think he wandered outside of the bounds of the spell. We never saw him again.”

“Is he–”

“We don’t know.”  


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While Ollie and Wicks’ frogs started arguing with each other almost as soon as they got words (“Oh my god, Nurse, you were human for literally a day longer than me, that’s nothing–” “Chill, Dex, I just wanted to make sure you knew that there are games on phones–”), Bitty’s frog seemed to have the same fresh wonder at humanity that Bitty had had just a year ago. Bitty had taken one look at him and known that his name was Chowder. He tried to remember everything that Ransom and Holster had taught him, and what he had known innately. Chowder had decided that the next thing he wanted to do was a campus tour. They’d gone over all the study spots, dining halls, and coffee places already, and were finally at Faber.

“I’m gonna be the best goalie,” he declared, his face pressed up against the glass by the rink. He stared at the net, grinning. “This is gonna be ‘swawesome.”

“Playing hockey or life as a human?” Bitty asked, returning the smile.

“Both.” 

 

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Bitty got checked. Hard. He flew through the air and for a moment he had a fleeting memory of when he was an actual frog, leaping, and then the ice was in front of his face and his helmet was off and then the coaches were walking him off the ice. He sobbed through the concussion tests, certain that it was the end. They were going to turn him into a frog again, and he’d probably be eaten, and he couldn’t even think of whether it would be worse to remember or forget being human.

But… they didn’t. They told him he’d have to rest all summer, and they’d be checking up on him, but he’d be ok to skate for next season.

Johnson gave a graduation speech on how no fanfic author making a joking au about frogs would ever kill the main character within the first year of the comic, which didn’t really make sense, but what do you expect from Johnson? He left the podium, and the coach stepped up to give Bitty the Carlisle award– Bitty almost started sobbing. It finally felt like they wanted him to stay human with the team. Jack seemed to be in shock as he accepted the plaque declaring his second year of captaincy.

After the ceremony, Jack knocked on Bitty’s door.

“I thought you were already gone for that camp in Chicago!” Bitty said. Jack shook his head.

“I’m leaving in a few minutes. Look, Bitty, I... I just wanted to apologize for the way I treated you at the start of the year. You didn’t sign up for any of this, and I should have seen that last hit coming, and– well, thank you for voting for me anyway.” He took a deep breath. “And I’m most sorry for letting you think we’d let you be turned back into a frog. We’ve got your back, and I promise I won’t let that happen.” Bitty smiled and leaned against the wall.

“Jack, this year had been... well, it’s been something else, I’ll tell you that much. But I’m glad that in the middle of like, learning how to be a person, we got to be friends.” Jack returned his smile and held out his hand for a fistbump.

“Have a good summer, Bitty.”

"You too, Mr. Zimmermann."

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you liked it! Come talk to me at shitty-check-please-aus.tumblr.com!
> 
> Here's the post on there that inspired this: https://shitty-check-please-aus.tumblr.com/post/152907054995/au-in-which-the-frogs-are-more-literal-each-year
> 
> (I also want to note that I'm pretty neutral on Kent Parson, he just seemed like the best character to use here to add a sense of actual consequences to the magic.)


End file.
